As I shared on social media this past week, my husband and I are expecting our first child December 2019! It’s been an incredible journey so far, and we’re filled with so much gratitude and excitement. This has been the HARDEST secret to keep and is such a relief now to have out in the open. We are very much looking forward to welcoming our little bundle of joy into this world, but aren’t wishing the time to pass too soon. I am looking forward to enjoying all aspects of this pregnancy, and plan to be as transparent about my experience as possible with all my readers. 

I am currently 13 (almost 14) weeks along and am feeling great! I feel a little bit guilty saying this as I know a lot of women suffer unbearable pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, fatigue, etc. I feel very fortunate that I have had a fairly easy pregnancy thus far. Early on I had a bit of fatigue and some nausea early in the morning, but nothing too unpleasant. I had discovered I was pregnant shortly after 4 weeks.

When I had first discovered I was pregnant I was speechless. I was in utter shock as I had anticipated a negative outcome. I was completely caught off guard, I had taken pregnancy tests prior to this one and they were all negative. So, to see one that said positive was unexpected. So naturally I took 2 more just to be sure! All positive. It is hard to describe how I felt in that moment other than speechless. I was in complete shock, but in a good way. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a Mom and have a big family. It is such a surreal feeling realizing that you are carrying another life inside you. I was shocked, elated, nervous and a little terrified; my emotions were all over the place.

Here we are weeks later, and I cannot wait to share this journey with you all. I plan to share everything from information I learn to helpful tips & tricks, registries, freebies, maternity fashion, you name it! There’s so much more I could write about, but I’ll save it for other pregnancy-related posts. That being said, I’d love to hear what types of posts you’d like to read! Leave me a comment below and let me know.

Self-Doubt Sabotage

Let’s take a moment. Now, raise your hand if you have ever given up on a dream. If you have ever made an excuse as to why you haven’t attained that dream. If you have ever let self-doubt creep in and destroy those dreams. That is probably a lot of us. So why don’t you pursue the dreams of your heart? Why don’t you chase down the thing you know you could have some chance at? It’s not what you are that is holding you back. It’s what you think you are not. Too many people undervalue what they are and overvalue what they are not. Our greatest battles are those within our own minds. So, tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up!

Self-doubt can have a strong hold on your life, keeping you from trying new things and reaching your full potential. It holds you back from seizing your opportunities and it makes finishing things harder than they need to be. It can wreak havoc on your confidence and self-esteem making you feel powerless over your life. Don’t get me wrong, self-doubt is normal and all of us have experience it at one point or another. Although you cannot completely get rid of it, since it has been woven into our psyche from a young age, you can do things to lessen the self-deprecating thoughts that prevent you from living a fulfilled life you know you deep down you deserve.

Step 1: Recognize and Call Our Your Inner Critic

Our subconscious mind shapes our behaviors and beliefs. When our mind tells us that we aren’t good enough or we won’t succeed, then our behaviors will follow.  The first step to defeating self-doubt is to recognize your inner critic and call it out. Your mind has been repeating lies over and over again that have turned into beliefs. The only way to combat that is to recognize the lies and tell yourself the opposite.

So why is it that we are so afraid of failure? It could be that it has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with ego. You are afraid of THEM watching you fail. We have this egocentric obsession about caring what other people think about us. But the truth is nobody who has ever achieved more than you have will judge you. Those that have achieved more will not judge you because they know how difficult it was to get where you are going. And those you “think” may be judging you are most likely too busy thinking about themselves, not you. The only people that will judge you are the ones who are not happy where they are at. Why would you care about the opinion of someone in an unhappy or unhealthy place? Someone else’s opinion only has weight if you give it weight. And you know what? Those other people won’t have to live with the regrets or “what if’s” of your life, you will.

You don’t have all the answers you’re not perfect. You will stumble and fall, but you will get back up! Failure is the only way. The only way forward is by trial and error. Embrace that you will fail. Fall in love with the process instead of the goal. The goal is someday, the process is your life! So please choose the latter, choose to fall in love with your life today!

Step 2: Challenge Your Self-Limiting Beliefs.

We all have limiting thoughts that make us feel defeated, like “I’m going to fail at ___” or  “I will never be successful at ___!”Instead of judging your defeated attitude, start challenging it. Instead of thinking that you’re going to fail, ask “well, what if I don’t fail? What if I succeed instead?” The key to overcome self-doubt is to explore beyond your comfort zone and try new things often. Each time we achieve a minor victory, we gain confidence, thus weakening self-doubt. Yes, sometimes you will fail, but in the grand scheme of things does that really matter as long as you eventually reach the dream? One thing I know for sure is that if you don’t try, you definitely will fail, so you might as well make an attempt.

Say you have a history of failure. The only reason you should be afraid of failing at something again is if you don’t learn from what you did last time. Self-awareness of what is really going on. Personally, I struggled with the “I am just not motivate” belief. That is not why I failed, I failed because I was not actively and obsessively figuring out the tricks and habits to keep myself in check and motivated each day. There is a BIG difference.

Step 3: Get Out of the Comparison Trap

Comparing yourself to others will only drive you mad and make you feel inadequate. It can be so easy to compare ourselves to others, especially with all of the picture-perfect Instagram models in the world or the self-made millionaires, but you must learn to love and accept yourself.

All you are really seeing is other peoples highlight reels and success. You are not seeing the whole picture. You only see the good so you trick yourself into thinking they did it perfect so your supposed to do it perfect as well. WRONG. Life is not perfect or looks a certain way all the time because that’s just not true. Be sure to ground yourself. Comparison is the death of all joy, and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday. Follow people on Instagram that inspire you, not cause you to feel inadequate or question your self-worth. Read books and educate yourself from knowledgeable and accredited sources. Learning about other peoples struggles and success can be highly motivating which leads me into my next step.

Step 4: Surround Yourself With Positivity

It’s easy to get sucked into a self-doubt, when running your own business, reaching a fitness goal, getting that promotion or whatever it may be because you feel afraid that you may never truly “make it.” That’s why I listen to podcasts and read self-help books that inspire me daily.

It’s much easier to let go of self-doubt when you are learning from people who have been where you are, who knows what it’s like, who have risen above the ashes and achieved success.

Every single day you are filling your mind with messages, whether you know it or not. I choose to fill mine with positivity so I can live a more fulfilled life. You are who you surround yourself with. If you are around negative, depressed, Debbie-downer type of people, then your subconscious mind will match their personality. You need people in your life who are encouraging, up-lifting and supportive – people who make you feel good about yourself.

Step 5: Ditch the Victim Mentality

We are all victims of something, but you can’t let your circumstances weigh you down. I know how hard it can be, but you can’t let yourself get into the victim mentality that robs you of your own inner strength.

You need to fight that part of you that makes you feel defeated and limited. Think of yourself as a warrior that can conquer anything in life with fearlessness and strength. There is a short time that you get to be upset, but then you need to move on.  Don’t let one thing ruin your happiness, because life is too precious and too short.

Step 6: Forgive Yourself

Messing up is a part of being human, but don’t let it stop you from enjoying life. When you do fail, just know that it’s okay and it happens to everybody. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t let it fester for too long. Be kind to yourself because there isn’t anything else you can do other than accept it and move on.

My final thoughts would be to not waste your God given potential drowning in what other people think of you. You will never become who you were meant to be by siting there worrying about what someone else thinks about you stepping into your own power.

Knowing When to Walk Away

I am at a point in my life where I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. This is the part of my life where I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me or bring me more stress than they do peace. There comes a point where you have done enough talking and trying to make things work with certain people before you are emotionally and physically spent.

As I have grown older – and wiser – I have begun to realize that I am not the same person I used to be. The things I used to tolerate have become intolerable. Where I once remained quiet, I am now speaking my own truth. When I once would have argued, I have not chosen to remain silent. I am beginning to understand the value of my own voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve my time, energy and focus.

I have learned the hard way that the more chances you give someone to hurt you, the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They will take advantage of your forgiveness. They won’t be afraid to lose you because they think you will never walk away. Never and I repeat NEVER let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you. Walking way has nothing to do with weakness, but rather everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value but because we have finally realized our own.

However, not all toxic people are uncaring, some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic however because their needs and way of existing force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They are not inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. As hard as it is, we must let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself or the sake of someone else. Make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you unhappy. Because at the end of the day, if someone does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. If someone cannot reciprocate your love, if someone cannot give you what you truly deserve, you must understand that aching for them to do so before they are ready is a form of self-destruction. Your heart is a precious thing, you cannot keep trying to form it into what someone else needs. You cannot keep pouring your love into a soul that is not opening their eyes to all that they are receiving. You cannot keep pouring your love into a heart that is closed off to it. It will only leave you empty. You have to walk way. You must let this person grow on their own terms, because you can’t love someone into their potential. You can’t love someone into being ready, they must do that on their own.

People Pleaser No More

For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser. I have always placed others thoughts and feelings above my own. I have never wanted to stir the pot or make anyone upset. However, over the years I have learned that this isn’t necessarily a favorable trait to behold. As natural givers we find ourselves so wrapped up in others that we tend to lose touch with what it is we truly want, and in those fleeting moments we actually do feel what we want, we don’t communicate our wishes to the necessary individuals.

The deepest pain I have ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable. And while self-care is sometimes written off as selfish, taking care of yourself is essential. I had to learn (and am still learning) that if I take care of my own needs first, I have more to give to others. Putting your own needs first is not selfish. Let’s repeat that. PUTTING YOUR OWN NEEDS FIRST IS NOT SELFISH. Before I could stop being a people pleaser, I had to learn that even though conflict and confrontation are borderline unbearable or me, they can be helpful tools.

The relationship that I value the most in my life – the one with my husband – is also the one that I have worked at the hardest. And a lot of that work has included confronting the other person when there is an issue and working through conflicts.

In this one relationship, I have felt safe enough to let go of my people pleasing persona and the result is a very close connection that has continued to improve over time. We are two VERY different people and we have been through some VERY tough times together, but the reason we have survived as a couple is that we have been willing to ask each other for what we need and keep the lines of communication open.

If you want a close and meaningful relationship, it’s absolutely necessary to make your authentic voice heard. The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people, you are not for everyone and that is OK. Talk to the people who can hear you. Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value. Don’t convince them to walk alongside you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on and continue along your way. Sharing your path with someone is a sacred gift; don’t cheapen this gift by rolling yours in the wrong direction.

When you say yes to others make sure you are not saying no to yourself. You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don’t spend it on things that don’t matter or people who don’t value your time. Develop a strong opinion about yourself so that you don’t accidentally start believing what others say about you. The world deserves the best you. You deserve the best you. The best you will only be realized if your needs are met.

Purpose > Fear

Have you ever taken a moment to ponder the idea of what on earth you are here for? What is your purpose in life? What gifts were bestowed upon you to share with the world

I remember in college lecture one afternoon we were instructed to draw 4 circles that overlap one another. In each of those circles we wrote four characteristics of purpose. Those characteristics were that which you love, that which the world needs, that which you can be paid for, and that which you are good at.

Between that which you love and that which the world needs fell MISSION. Between that which the world needs and that which you can be paid for fell VOCATION. Between that which you can be paid for and that which you are good at fell PROFESSION. Between that which you are good at and that which you love fell PASSION. Between mission, vocation, profession and passion fell your PURPOSE or the ideal place to be.

If I am being completely honest with myself, I still don’t know what my purpose in life is. Often times we spend our whole lives looking for what were meant to do in life. We spend a long time looking within ourselves for answers. But sometimes, you have to look outside yourself too. Don’t worry about finding your passion. Instead, start by acting on small things that excite you each day. These are the threads that will connect you to your path, passion and purpose in life.

Life has way of trying to throw us off course, and unless we are very intentional in reevaluating our course and priorities, most likely we settle for less. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. The fears you don’t face become your limits.

I have subconsciously limited my potential and in turn prevented myself from discovering my purpose. I have let my fear get in the way. Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears, we can move forward, stronger and wiser within ourselves.

Why am I here?

Well, hi there. Thank you for joining me. So you may be wondering what exactly I am doing here? To be completely honest, I am unsure myself.

You may look at the name of my blog and think why “Raw Resurgence”, what does that mean? Let me break it down for you..

Resurgence is defined as “An increase or revival after a period of little activity, popularity, or occurrence”. This instantly stuck with me. I have been in a period of little activity for so long that I have lost sight of who I am and all the dreams I had envisioned for myself.

It was then that I realized that I have been sitting idle for so long without truly living to my full potential. My self limiting behavior has been holding me back. So here I am raw; strong and undisguised. Reviving that little voice in me that has so much to say, but has stayed idol for too long.

This blog will be an escape, a safe haven if you will. A place to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. To openly write out my thoughts, feelings, aspirations, fears and everything in between. I hope this blog in turn will inspire some of my readers to do the same.