Knowing When to Walk Away

I am at a point in my life where I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. This is the part of my life where I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me or bring me more stress than they do peace. There comes a point where you have done enough talking and trying to make things work with certain people before you are emotionally and physically spent.

As I have grown older – and wiser – I have begun to realize that I am not the same person I used to be. The things I used to tolerate have become intolerable. Where I once remained quiet, I am now speaking my own truth. When I once would have argued, I have not chosen to remain silent. I am beginning to understand the value of my own voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve my time, energy and focus.

I have learned the hard way that the more chances you give someone to hurt you, the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They will take advantage of your forgiveness. They won’t be afraid to lose you because they think you will never walk away. Never and I repeat NEVER let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you. Walking way has nothing to do with weakness, but rather everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value but because we have finally realized our own.

However, not all toxic people are uncaring, some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic however because their needs and way of existing force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They are not inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. As hard as it is, we must let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself or the sake of someone else. Make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you unhappy. Because at the end of the day, if someone does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. If someone cannot reciprocate your love, if someone cannot give you what you truly deserve, you must understand that aching for them to do so before they are ready is a form of self-destruction. Your heart is a precious thing, you cannot keep trying to form it into what someone else needs. You cannot keep pouring your love into a soul that is not opening their eyes to all that they are receiving. You cannot keep pouring your love into a heart that is closed off to it. It will only leave you empty. You have to walk way. You must let this person grow on their own terms, because you can’t love someone into their potential. You can’t love someone into being ready, they must do that on their own.

People Pleaser No More

For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser. I have always placed others thoughts and feelings above my own. I have never wanted to stir the pot or make anyone upset. However, over the years I have learned that this isn’t necessarily a favorable trait to behold. As natural givers we find ourselves so wrapped up in others that we tend to lose touch with what it is we truly want, and in those fleeting moments we actually do feel what we want, we don’t communicate our wishes to the necessary individuals.

The deepest pain I have ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable. And while self-care is sometimes written off as selfish, taking care of yourself is essential. I had to learn (and am still learning) that if I take care of my own needs first, I have more to give to others. Putting your own needs first is not selfish. Let’s repeat that. PUTTING YOUR OWN NEEDS FIRST IS NOT SELFISH. Before I could stop being a people pleaser, I had to learn that even though conflict and confrontation are borderline unbearable or me, they can be helpful tools.

The relationship that I value the most in my life – the one with my husband – is also the one that I have worked at the hardest. And a lot of that work has included confronting the other person when there is an issue and working through conflicts.

In this one relationship, I have felt safe enough to let go of my people pleasing persona and the result is a very close connection that has continued to improve over time. We are two VERY different people and we have been through some VERY tough times together, but the reason we have survived as a couple is that we have been willing to ask each other for what we need and keep the lines of communication open.

If you want a close and meaningful relationship, it’s absolutely necessary to make your authentic voice heard. The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people, you are not for everyone and that is OK. Talk to the people who can hear you. Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value. Don’t convince them to walk alongside you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on and continue along your way. Sharing your path with someone is a sacred gift; don’t cheapen this gift by rolling yours in the wrong direction.

When you say yes to others make sure you are not saying no to yourself. You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don’t spend it on things that don’t matter or people who don’t value your time. Develop a strong opinion about yourself so that you don’t accidentally start believing what others say about you. The world deserves the best you. You deserve the best you. The best you will only be realized if your needs are met.

Purpose > Fear

Have you ever taken a moment to ponder the idea of what on earth you are here for? What is your purpose in life? What gifts were bestowed upon you to share with the world

I remember in college lecture one afternoon we were instructed to draw 4 circles that overlap one another. In each of those circles we wrote four characteristics of purpose. Those characteristics were that which you love, that which the world needs, that which you can be paid for, and that which you are good at.

Between that which you love and that which the world needs fell MISSION. Between that which the world needs and that which you can be paid for fell VOCATION. Between that which you can be paid for and that which you are good at fell PROFESSION. Between that which you are good at and that which you love fell PASSION. Between mission, vocation, profession and passion fell your PURPOSE or the ideal place to be.

If I am being completely honest with myself, I still don’t know what my purpose in life is. Often times we spend our whole lives looking for what were meant to do in life. We spend a long time looking within ourselves for answers. But sometimes, you have to look outside yourself too. Don’t worry about finding your passion. Instead, start by acting on small things that excite you each day. These are the threads that will connect you to your path, passion and purpose in life.

Life has way of trying to throw us off course, and unless we are very intentional in reevaluating our course and priorities, most likely we settle for less. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. The fears you don’t face become your limits.

I have subconsciously limited my potential and in turn prevented myself from discovering my purpose. I have let my fear get in the way. Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears, we can move forward, stronger and wiser within ourselves.

Why am I here?

Well, hi there. Thank you for joining me. So you may be wondering what exactly I am doing here? To be completely honest, I am unsure myself.

You may look at the name of my blog and think why “Raw Resurgence”, what does that mean? Let me break it down for you..

Resurgence is defined as “An increase or revival after a period of little activity, popularity, or occurrence”. This instantly stuck with me. I have been in a period of little activity for so long that I have lost sight of who I am and all the dreams I had envisioned for myself.

It was then that I realized that I have been sitting idle for so long without truly living to my full potential. My self limiting behavior has been holding me back. So here I am raw; strong and undisguised. Reviving that little voice in me that has so much to say, but has stayed idol for too long.

This blog will be an escape, a safe haven if you will. A place to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. To openly write out my thoughts, feelings, aspirations, fears and everything in between. I hope this blog in turn will inspire some of my readers to do the same.